oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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