Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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