Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
