When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
