I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
