You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
