I could make wine with my vomit
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I wish there were birth control emojis
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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