Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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