My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
