He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Randomize
