We're like a lot better than the average bears
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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