i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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