He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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