So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
