he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Two words: nipple clamps
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