Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
