I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
