you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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