just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Threesome in a minivan. New low
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
