i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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