she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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