i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize