Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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