either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
