i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
