dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
