I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
