Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
