Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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