I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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