last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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