My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
