I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
