So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
