perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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