OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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