Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
