I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
