the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
