How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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