You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
