thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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