I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
