dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
