I cut my penus on the lid.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i out mim tonsoeep
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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