Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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