You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He did a backflip because drugs
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
