GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
