hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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