I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
