I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
