Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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