alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
