We won't sleep together?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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