I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
