In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize