You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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