So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
did you just send me my own nude
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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