What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
