Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
