remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
