Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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