We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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