If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
