We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
