Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
