Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
