How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And then he peed in my hair
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