so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
