he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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